drawing, dancing, and all the fun stuff in between!

Month: July, 2012

The answer to my problems is movie-house popcorn

Six years ago, at that lowest point in my life, my biggest fear was that I would never feel happy again.  

Then, my friends gave me some E. 

And that was the single best experience of my life ever. Not because of the single-minded kind of joy it brought (although I was crazily high for 24 hours) but because it taught me that happiness could be manufactured. It showed me that happiness is just a certain combination of chemicals, not some ungraspable unattainable ideal. It taught me that happiness is inside my brain, inside me, not dependent on another person, or on the world-at-large. It taught me that happiness can come from the little things we take for granted every day– beautiful lights, the feeling of skin on skin, water trickling down my throat.  It showed me that I could control my own happiness, that I could make my own happiness every single day. 

I took E twice, and that was that. 

I never craved for it again, because I didn’t need to. Now, every time I feel down, I just say, ok, so what do you need to feel better right now? A piece of chocolate? Ok. A short nap? Ok. Some cold water? Ok. Some popcorn? Ok. These little pieces of happiness are never out of reach.

And ok, that big-picture kind of happiness– I haven’t figured that out yet. Maybe I’ll think about that later after I have my giant tub of sour cream and cheese movie popcorn. 


Half-year thoughts: Ideas to make you happier

It’s been a while since I last blogged… and wow, it’s July already! Usually at this time, I panic. Half the year has passed, and what do I have to show for it?

This year I’ve decided not to focus on results, but instead focus on editing my life– to figure out what is important, and let go of everything else. The idea is that: when you focus on things that are important, then more of your time is spent on things that will actually make you happier.

Here are 6 ideas, one for every month. Hopefully, I’ll have 6 more by the end of the year!

1. Give up heels.

I only have three left– black knee-high patent leather, red thigh high patent leather –both for pole, yes occupational hazard, and a black patent mary jane with a red heart on the sole, because my friend made it for me.

Being able to dance around wildly at a party is more important than looking like I’m  5’5″. I am short, and everyone knows it. So, who cares anymore?

That being said, if someone made super sexy flats, I would totally get those.

2. Experiences over things. I have enough things. Enough clothes, shoes, makeup, whatever. So I spend my money on dinner or movie with friends, on spontaneous beach trips. I watch the ballet, or the orchestra, or new bands.

Sure, I still buy things– like rope for tying people up with– but I make sure the things I buy will lead to some awesome experiences.

3. Related to #2– give things away. Things I previously owned, like art books or clothes– whenever I realize someone else will enjoy them more, I give them to that person. Or things I continuously receive– thank you generous sponsors and friends!– if I won’t use them, or if someone can make better use of them then I give them away.

The goal is that by the end of this year, I live out of a suitcase, and all my remaining things are my favorite things.

4. Eat better. Yes, it’s a hassle– I have to pass by the supermarket twice a week to get fresh fruits and veggies. But I feel so much better now. Less bloating, less allergies, better skin and overall health.

Of course, eating “better” means having fun– so once in a while I’ll have a chocolate frosted donut with my coffee, or a tub of popcorn (sour cream and cheese mixed together!). What is the point of life lived without joy?

5. Write down fun ideas, and try to do them. Okay “fun” will mean different things to different people.

These were my ideas the past week: put up a boylesque group. produce a dance movie. write some literotica. get chocnut, horlicks, and milo, and put everything on top of a chocomon with some crushed wasabi potato chips.

So far I have 8 pages of a badly written sexy story, a vague idea of costumes for my boylesque group, a very cliche plot for the movie, and the chocnut monster will have to wait until I recover from illness. But, who cares?

6. Do something for yourself everyday. Sounds selfish? You bet. Well, if I’m not happy, how the hell am I going to make this world a better place?